Panic mode while pregnant1/8/2024 Between work meetings, I would scroll through Ovia, the popular pregnancy-tracking app I’d downloaded onto my phone, to see if other people were as confused as I was. The abbreviations and numbers began to jump around the page, and I struggled to pin them down or interpret their meaning. I sank deeper into fear each time I read words like double the risk and severe and difficulty breathing. Yale and Reuters cautioned about preterm birth and children growing up with mood disorders: “ Antidepressants - not depression - increase risk of preterm birth, study shows,” “ Child psychiatric disorders tied to in utero antidepressant exposure.”įor weeks, I pored over the studies cited by these articles. And it wasted no time pummeling me with scary headlines.įrom WebMD and Scientific American, there were warnings about SSRIs and birth defects and autism: “ Antidepressants Linked to Birth Defect,” “ Antidepressants in Pregnancy Tied to Autism.” CNN featured a study linking SSRIs during pregnancy to language disorders like dyslexia. So I turned to that dark place many of us go when we’re alone with our medical fears: Dr. And perhaps I wouldn’t have, but I was searching for a psychiatrist who accepted my insurance and I had no idea how long that might take. Here’s where I suggest you never Google such things. But as I reviewed my medicine cabinet, I realized I had no idea whether my Prozac pills were safe to swallow. It was easy enough to limit caffeine, avoid uncooked fish, and say no to the occasional drink or hit of marijuana. Trivial decisions like which sunscreen to use and what position to sleep in suddenly felt momentous. I knew I couldn’t control the environment around me, but, I thought, at least I could control what went into my body and this baby-to-be. Still, I’d wanted a child for years, and the knowledge that cells were multiplying inside my womb, building a tiny beating heart, was powerful enough to clear away the chaos and give me something to focus on. It was year two of COVID-19 in California - the weeks were blurs of mixed messaging on masks, unpredictable lockdowns, and wildfire warnings. This past June, in the second month of my pregnancy, I was confronted with the possibility of suddenly being adrift. For decades, these pea-size pills, lighter than a quarter-teaspoon of water, have anchored me to the earth. SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed antidepressants, typically used to treat anxiety disorders, depression, and OCD more than 13 percent of adults in the U.S. As a teenager, I was diagnosed with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder and have taken the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor Prozac ever since. And while the particular rules and rituals have shifted over the years, the panic and guilt that would follow if I didn’t comply were consistent and debilitating. Some rules I made up as a child, like tapping my heels or counting down before I left the shower others I picked up as a teenager, like not eating salt or standing up to do jumping jacks at specific times of day. I’ve lived much of my life secretly following rules and compulsions. Photo-Illustration: Photo-Illustration: The Cut Photos: Getty Images
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